The Brochure Sniffer
This is, I hope to become a collection of articles that delves deep into a car brochure for the hell of it and rightly or wrongly, considers the possibility that the copywriters might have been telling a few fibs and bending the truth along the way. Or we use some hindsight because we know, the car in question was a right old snooter that even the scrap man didn’t want to take
So with no further ado, let’s look at buying a:
Lancia Trevi. 1600, 1800, 200 I.E
The brochure starts well. The name of the model and the grill demonstrate speed over a brown fading cover. To add to the amazement, it’s a fold-out brochure. The pages increase in number as you unfold. It turns into 8 pages. On opening, you meet the first of the tag lines. “Lancia B Trevi. Classic line, advanced technology, electronic injection system. A car at the forefront of its class.”
Now some of this might be true. Despite what you might be thinking, there is a mention of the Beta in the copy. They haven’t shied away from its origins. That wouldn’t be very Lancia. We all know the Beta for what it could do and despite what has been written about the Trevi, it was no polished turd. It was still part of the Beta line-up.
What is amusing is the car was called a “success car” and was released to satisfy a more demanding clientele. According to your copywriters, the shape was designed with a classic and sophisticated line and not subject to fashion. In truth, it was a 3 box design and lost the modern fastback look of the Beta saloon.
Still, on the first page, we get the third mention of the Beta, namely its mechanicals and indisputable reliability. They aren’t totally messing with your mind. The Lancia twin-cam mechanicals were much sought after for other cars back when the scrap yards were full of them. It wasn’t mechanical; a failure that stopped a Beta in its tracks.
The magic of the Trevi brochure now sucks you in. Copy write words are few and far between. Just 5 paragraphs about the car in the main fold-out section. So joyous you could mount this on your bedroom wall.
We see visuals of the back, the dashboard, the seats and a profile shot. Ah yes, that dashboard. The cheese one. Lancia mentions it. Naturally in a favourable way and it was lost on the motoring masses. As design and function go, it was easy to use. Unlike today’s touch screens that aren’t aimed at the driver, this all pointed towards the driver. You have yourself to blame for dull interiors.
Speaking of interiors, Lancia’s men of words talk about the fittings using the words “opulent and top quality” Now we all know that this was something a little hit and miss in Italian cars back in the 80’s. And 90’s. And 00’s. Something the Italians haven’t been able to do very well at all since we moved from the horse and cart.
And then they give it to you with both barrels. “Anti Corrosion Techniques” They wow you with the use of words like generous zincrometal plating and special electroplating line-up. It’s all about plating. Like the A-Team using corrugated iron plating to turn that Ford Pinto into a road tank or Beverly telling Ang “That’s right, silver plate” on her candelabra in Abigail’s Party.
What we have learnt about this wonder metal that the Italians used, it was no more than a veneer of words over function and that paper mache applied over untreated steel might have had a better success rate at warding off effervescent panels.
The brochure ends with a technical blurb to keep any geek happy along with performance figures of the European kind. None of that English miles. The people of Lancia couldn’t be arsed to translate those from the kilometre. It all added to the mystique of the Italianisms (A made-up word like zincrometal) that was Lancia.
What was interesting here was that despite the sales blurb banging on about how good the injection system was over the carburettor 2000 model, the performance figures for both cars were near identical if you want to be pedantic that 0.5 of a second is a lot.
And it’s on this last page we see a marvellous typing error. In conjunction with applying the handbrake. An error no one would have noticed because no one bought the Trevi. The Beta damage had been done and the Trevi was dead in the water before it came off the boat and into the UK showrooms.
Today there are so few surviving examples. According to www.howmanyleft.co.uk, it is just 7. My memories of them are watching a blue one dissolve around itself simply because it was Lancia.