The e-mail “Stuart darling, fancy coming to the Bruges Christmas markets in December?”
The problem is I don’t fly. The e-mail chain went silent. The reply came “It’s 70 miles from Calais. Let’s do a road trip!” And like that the date was set.
Unfortunately, my journey to meet the other 4 chosen subjects and the Genesis 2 was hampered by someone having a heart attack and French passport control. Don’t worry, the heart attack wasn’t a heart attack. Nurses are never off-duty and a quick assessment of the man on the floor revealed it wasn’t.
Having eventually gotten through passport control, it was to the Eurostar and away we went. We were, Phil “That Face” Huff, Sam “The Boss” Huff, Vicky “Christmas Tat“ Parrott, Nicola “The Car Fing” Hume, Simon “Give Me Gin” Branney and Sam “The Voice” Buckingham and myself, Stuart “Tic-Tac” Bird. We were on a mission. To shop. To find the most awful tree decoration with Vicky and to get up to mischief in Belgium.
With cars in red, white and blue, we could well have been a modern-day Italian Job except we weren’t in Italy and we weren’t in English Mini’s. We did however have 2 spare cars, another red one and me in the silver one.
We’d all been sent Genesis G70s in either saloon or shooting break style. Mine was the saloon and this allowed me to check it out properly instead of a few hours at a launch. Overall I was impressed. You will always be impressed with Genesis. Along with their parent company, they have suddenly excelled in all sorts of charts and Genesis, launched in 2021 into troubled global times, is slowly making its way up.
It’s not all good though in the G70. Road holding, while good, did get a bit messy on an undulation in the road. It produced a bounce in the rear suspension mid-corner that I was not expecting. And as for that matte silver paint, I don’t dislike it, I hate it. I struggle with the concept of anyone wanting a premium car that looks like it has been washed with a brillo-pad!
That said, once inside, you don’t really have to look at it and instead, you have a nicely pointed dashboard with dials and buttons for the heater controls. This includes everyone’s favourite, the heated steering wheel. The obvious distraction when looking out is using the automatic dimming door mirrors. They dim too dark to the point where they become quite dangerous on unlit sections of a motorway. Admittedly, I know Genesis adopts a blind spot system and mirror display in the binnacle. This is extremely handy to have. It takes some getting used to and dirt on the camera does cause some distortion.
Enough about the car for we arrive in Bruges with 5 cars not available in Belgium. And this causes a bit of a stir. Also some unusual ways of saying Genesis were heard as we drove down what we only hoped were roads and not pedestrian zones. It’s all “forin lands” and I don’t read Belgium. But the Belgium people were so nice. They just went about their business and moved out of the way.
The fun was about to start as we set about parking in the underground car park that was reached using a lift. A new one on me and despite me wishing we’d had G80s, I was glad we weren’t in G80s. Tight is an understatement and the bumper wall art on the walls of the parking area is a statement of wall art all its own!
Bruges is lovely. The people were lovely. Why they do so badly in the Eurovision is beyond me. The Christmas market was, we were told, not as good as the year before. That didn’t stop the party from savouring the delights of tepid waffles, alcohol and cheese samples. The food place, chosen by Phil was exceptional. The waiters were brilliant. Want that beer in a small glass? No. It’s this size glass or nothing. This meant Nicola had to make do with what can only be described as a bowl of beer. The unanimous choice of food was the stew with chips. Perfect for winter.
Vicky got her decoration. The job was complete. The all-year-round Christmas shop is an eye-opener. If you thought your local B&M sold questionable tree ornaments, then this place had the dial-up to 11 24/7. Think of an object and chances are, it is here, as something, ready to hang. Vicky also found the pub she had been looking for down a seedy dark alleyway. Belgium is the place to come if you like beer. I don’t. I like vodka and I’m glad to say that the measures in this town are like my own at home, to taste.
The return back to the Grand Hotel Casselbergh was turned into chaos when the new must-have travel game, Cards Against Humanity came out and the eyebrow-raising answers came flooding in. Turns out Sam was very good at this if, being good at CAH is something to be proud of. In my house, it is so well done to him. And with the end came bed. Hotel Casselbergh does get 5 stars from me for 2 reasons, nice pillows and wide opening side panels to the windows for ventilation.
And like that, the party was over. We had infiltrated Belgium with cars they can’t buy, bought tree decorations and savoured the market. Next was the drive home to England at a leisurely pace to Willy Class X on the radio. It just came up I swear when I searched. There was nothing juvenile about my choice or sniggering every time they said “Willllyyyy ClasiX”.
Back to the car for my journey, the Genesis G70 2.2 Diesel. I wanted to say that there is still a diesel market. I travelled over 300 miles in mine and there was no anxiety about the range. What was a bit disappointing was the economy. Averaging around 40mpg at mostly sedate motorway miles was not great. And while the ride is comfortable, the gearbox doesn’t present itself as a problem, gear choices are always smooth and quiet but kick-down is met by high revs like the car has a CVT gearbox. And the quiet luxury is soon lost in the din of that.
Other than that, as a long-distance cruiser, you can’t fault the G70. With prices from £35,890, it is great value for money even when you do take in my few running niggles. This is premium for so little and I don’t think Genesis wants me to say that. But there we go, it is. And it was ruddy annoying when they came to take the car back. I could have been quite happy to live with it for another week. I still had a quarter of a tank left.
Photos used with thanks form the group of randoms who made this a brilliant way to end 2022. Thanks XX
